Reasons to Have a Robotic Spouse
(AI-Powered and Humanoid, much):
I have all the reasons in the world but let’s just stick with the top three for now… and for the sake of brevity.
(If you are an AI antagonist or disapprove of human-robot relationships, you might as well want to skip this and go right ahead with what you were previously doing. Because it’s about to get weird in here and not to mention, all opinions are solely mine.)
Now that you’ve decided to keep reading through, let me ask you a question. Does the term “perfect spouse” sound like an absolute oxymoron to you? If not, I’m going to confidently assume that you aren’t married, or haven’t ever tried to.
The ethics of human-robot relationships is a hotly debated topic, in which a large circle strongly deprecates such an evolution as downright unnatural and dangerous to society. An even greater chunk thinks it a matter of deep concern; they are not very sure of the commercial interests of the robot manufacturers or more so, the creators.
But here’s the thing… studies and researches suggest human-robot relationships are plain inevitable. They are nevertheless bound to come about and even proliferate. Typing out verbatim the words of David Levy, an artificial intelligence researcher at the University of Maastricht in the Netherlands, who told LiveScience (in 2007):
“My forecast is that around 2050, the state of Massachusetts will be the first jurisdiction to legalize marriages with robots”.
It is, thus, apparent that human and machine relationships are going to be seen as completely normal in years to come.
All this has me in delirium and I am about to divulge some of my insanely moronic ideas of a perfectly curated robotic spouse.
Without further ado, let’s dive right into the top three reasons as to why I think robot-human marriages are totally a good thing:
1. Right off the bat, you get a combination of your favorite personalities interwoven into one.
Because… let’s be real, who doesn’t want to liberate themselves from the pain of “getting used” to the difficult aspects of their better half’s personality? Not me.
If you’re thinking Harmony,… that’s not quite what I meant. Not every robot has to be solely about fulfilling carnal desires. Of course, my robot spouse could be just a smidgen of that. I’m not complaining, Y’all.
Also, what I’m fantasizing is certainly a fry cry from what Sophia looks like or is able to do. That stiff-armed machine doesn’t look very palatable. I’m referring to supreme quality AI infusion, much like David, exhibiting actual social abilities, natural body movements, unfaltering sentience and a pair of gazeful eyes smeared with unconditional love for the human partner.
Besides, I honestly dig the idea of a combination of Jon Snow and Gerry; what more soothing (I mean, satiating) than a “Gerry Snow”, sporting a “Mankini” waiter’s costume, sweet-talking me in the twilight after a long, exhausting day while I snuggle into the warmth of his lusty chest in a never-ending hug?
Legit getting’ hot in here… or is it just me?
2. It would learn from its experiences and improve.
And so, does the human. But unlike human-to-human relationships that, more often than not, tend to head south after years of being together, these human-to-AI relationships have significant chances of getting better over time.
Ask me how?
AI is all about cognitive learning as well as thinking. This means it can actively learn from the patterns in our behavior (using deep neural networks, which are clusters of algorithms resembling biological neurons of our brains), recognize our preferences and fine-tune its personality and behavior to suit our individualistic taste and temperament. The more our robotic spouses will spend time with us, the closer they will get to be the “perfect spouses” of our fantasy worlds.
Occasionally though, if they decide to breach and go down the slippery slope of extramarital affairs (like Samantha from the movie Her), you can reprogram the whole damn thing and place surveillance on their surreptitious activities. The goal is to keep the system “semi-autonomous” to ensure it doesn’t start functioning in complete independence.
Additionally, since my robot spouse will know me so well, he is most likely never going to force me into salad-tossing him in broad daylight (considering the fact I’m an acute bacteriophobe).
He wouldn’t, am I right?
Right?
Let’s get to the final point.
3. You can literally lay off your guitar teacher, and throw away Alexa, and the likes thereof.
From news briefs in the morning to refreshing guitar lessons in the evening, your robot spouse will have you covered in every way imaginable. Interactive voice assistants like Amazon Echo “Show” combined with robotics genuinely has the potential to incorporate multiple human skills into a single unit.
Although your spouse might appear to possess all the knowledge of the whole wide world, which it admittedly does, they are highly unlikely to pass sardonic remarks about your lack of basic grammar skills; one’s self-worth is thus saved. Even if that happens and our spouses go non compos mentis, the option of fixing their (rather intricate) gray matter by re-coding the broken algorithm will always be available to us.
Imagine every evening, your robotic spouse driving you to your favorite candlelit dinner, while following up on your emails for the next day… or engaging with you in an intriguing conversation while deftly planning an itinerary to Hawaii, if it’s a weekend.
Hell, yes.
They also seldom stare at their mobile screens when you’re speaking with them. That is just… cute.
Alrighty. That’s that for now.
I really appreciate you spending time reading this and also letting me uncover my wild thoughts.
Thank you so much. I’ll see myself out now.
Jesus take the wheel.
On a side note though…
